It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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