Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
