If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
