he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
