i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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