Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm bleeding and have questions
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
