Screwed.edu
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
