I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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