and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
