I just threw up on my dentist
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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