The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
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I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
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Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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