I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I smell like Dick and happiness
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
