Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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