thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
