btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize