Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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