he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
PS: I just woke up from my shower
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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