You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
