I just made out with a guy for $7.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
