The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
