How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
