sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize