for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize