tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize