I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
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Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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