if you like me you must not know who I am
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
