She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
