Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize