on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
