So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
