JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Everyone says I win the strip club
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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