You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
