these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
