There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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