Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
