Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
