What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
