Pappa wants mamma naked
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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