dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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