can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
