We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
