arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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