Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
