my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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