i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
