Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
