Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
