Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
