i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
