Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
