sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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