You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
