So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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