Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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