There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
