note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
