I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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