If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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