i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
