I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
