1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
