I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
