I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The adults are the big ones right?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
