i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
