Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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