i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Ketchup is God's man juice
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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