i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
