Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
