come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
