well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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