My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
