OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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