My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
