im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
