We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
