You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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