Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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