I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
