I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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