Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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