There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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