she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
