I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
