eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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