Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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