Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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