So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize