don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
